"Life is a disease; and the only diference between one another is the stage of the disease at which he lives."

"Democracy: The substitution of election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few."

"Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week."

"Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn."

"If the lesser mind could measure the greater as a footrule can measure a pyramid, there would be finality in universal suffrage. As it is, the political problem remains unsolved."

"Hell is full of musical amateurs."

"The passing of an ordinary man is sad. The passing of a great man is tragic, and doubly tragic when the greatness passes before the man does."

"ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection."

"A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him."

"The best, most beautiful, and most perfect way that we have of expressing a sweet concord of mind to each other is by music."

"I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise."

"She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth ... or anywhere else."